


Home Is where the Heart Is

by paragades (orphan_account)



Series: Ad astra per aspera [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Jealousy, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-20
Updated: 2014-04-17
Packaged: 2018-01-16 09:33:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1342591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/paragades
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As per Mass Effect 3, Tali has a crush on Garrus; even if you choose to romance him, it's pretty hard not to notice. Shepard catches on and shots are being called. Eventually. This is a fill for a Mass Effect Kink Meme prompt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"You gonna tell me what the hell was up with you down there?" Shepard demanded, still panting from their run to the Kodiak. When she didn't get an answer, she tried again. "Tali, I lost count somewhere along the road on how many times I had to tell you to cover your flank!" 

"I'm sorry, Shepard. I was... distracted."

"The next time, just let me know before I decide to take you with me on a ground mission, alright? You put us all at risk today. I don't want it to happen again. Understood?" Inwardly, Shepard sighed. It was both a blessing and a curse to be friends with most of your crew. Sometimes she felt as if the lines were blurred just a little too much.

"It won't, commander," Tali said firmly. 

Shepard dismissed her with a nod and turned around, taking a seat next to Garrus. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips. He couldn't really lean back because his fringe was in the way, and while she has never seen him fall asleep on the shuttle, he had his eyes closed and breathed evenly. Her hands twitched as she refrained from touching his face. Even though it was only Tali who was with them, Shepard tried to keep things professional between her and Garrus as long as there were other crew members around. It'd have to wait. 

***

Shepard tried to force the surge of irritation back to where it came from. In fact, she couldn't remember the last time she tried that hard instead of just letting it show. She and Garrus hadn't really talked about it, but since they spent the night together most of the time, they kind of had an unspoken agreement. She had almost wanted to ping him last night, but changed her mind at the last second. He probably fell asleep, and in that case she'd just wake him up, or something really needed... calibrating. 

She decided to let it go. There were more important things to worry about, like the harvesting of all sentient life in the galaxy and the destruction that came with it. Or whether they would ever get hold of real coffee instead of that instant shit, Shepard mused as she made her way to the mess. It was still empty, an advantage of being up early. She made herself some coffee and grabbed a nutribar–it tasted like cardboard, but at least it didn't require standing in the kitchen–and was halfway through the information for upcoming missions on her datapad, when she heard footsteps that definitely belonged to Garrus.

“Shepard.” He cleared his throat. “You're up early.”

“Unlike all the other times where I just sleep in and let somebody else save the galaxy for once?” But she did turn around and gave him a smile. Garrus looked nervous.  
It was a little weird, really. He'd say things in bed–oh, the things he said in bed–without batting an eye, and the next day they'd have a normal conversation that for some reason made him awkwardly nervous. In a cute way, she added.

“I, uh, wanted to come by last night, but Tali held me up. I think she felt guilty about what happened yesterday and needed someone to talk to. It got late and I didn't want to wake you up.” Garrus gave her a worried look. “You barely get enough sleep as it is.”

“Downside to being the savior of the galaxy,” Shepard joked. “You know why I had to reprimand her.” 

“Yes,” Garrus simply answered, taking a step into her space. He reached out and took her hand in his, tracing her wrist with his thumb. She closed her eyes, allowing herself a moment, before reluctantly pulling away. “Tonight,” Shepard said firmly, more to herself than to him.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a couple of days later - they had paid the Citadel a visit so Shepard could finally deal with the volus ambassador - and Shepard had just set a course for Noveria, when Joker's voice piped up.

"Uh, commander, we kind of have a situation here."

Shepard closed her eyes. "Care to elaborate?"

"So you remember a few days ago, when Cortez pulled that stunt with the kodiak and everyone thought he was crazy but it totally saved your asses? The one that had Vega almost throw up all over you guys? Yeah. Cortez did the usual check up before takeoff, turns out it messed up the kodiak more than we thought. So unless you want me to drop you off directly from the Normandy...," Joker trailed off.

"Will Cortez be able to fix it? Never mind," she sighed, " I'll go ask him himself."

"Alright, commander."

After she had Cortez reassure her that the kodiak would be up and running in no time, Shepard decided to stay in the shuttle bay for a little longer. She enjoyed listening to the banter between Cortez and James instead of her own frustrated thoughts about wasting the day. After a while, she even joined their discussion about biotiball, though she had to admit that she clearly lacked some knowledge.

She was just about to hop off the crates she had been sitting on, not willing to hear anyone say she was keeping her crew from doing their work, when her omnitool pinged with a message from Garrus.

_You got a minute?_

Oh boy, did she ever. She sent the reply, humming to herself, and then looked up to find James grinning at her.

"The boyfriend, Lola?" he teased. "Better watch out. Seems to be a real ladies' man."

She frowned.

***

"So, big guy, finally thought of something more fun to do than calibr--" Shepard stopped dead in her tracks when she saw that Garrus wasn't alone in the main battery. Next to him stood Tali, leaning into him, apparently giggling at something he must have said. Garrus turned around and shot her an apologetic glance.

"Hey Shepard," Tali said cheerfully.

"Tali, I didn't expect you here. Sorry about... that." There went all her hopes for some downtime activity with Garrus in the main battery. She turned to him. "I was thinking about getting some mods as long as we're stuck here, maybe even a new rifle. You wanna come with me?"

Usually, Shepard wasn't really one for taking people with her while running errands. She liked to take her time in order to avoid impulsive buys, comparing the objects in question as well as their prices. Listening to someone chattering meanwhile was one of her least favorite things, somewhere in the league with fighting off husks with no thermal clips to spare. It was different with Garrus, however. He seemed to appreciate the silence as much as she did, only offering information or giving her his opinion when she asked for it. But before he could say anything, Tali answered for him.

"I'm sorry, Shepard, but I'm afraid Garrus is already occupied. I really need his expert opinion!" She giggled.

"Why don't we go together?" Garrus suggested, sounding slightly troubled.

Shepard felt uncomfortable, though she really couldn't tell why. She wasn't a clingy person. In fact, her detachment had sometimes proved problematic in her previous relationships. But Garrus and her were both free spirits, and the only thing that mattered to them was  
that between all the chaos and destruction, they still had each other at the end of the day. So she just waved him off and said, "No, you two go have fun. I have some reports to go over anyway. Might just go later."

But as she left the main battery to head to her cabin, she couldn't help thinking that something was off.


	3. Chapter 3

"You know," Shepard panted as she snuggled up to Garrus, "I used to wonder whether your little reach and flexibility story wasn't a little exaggerated. Never have I been more glad to be proven wrong."

His mandibles flared in a grin. One of his fingers was ghosting over her collar bone, and then it travelled down, tracing the valley between her breasts ever so slowly before resting it on her stomach. 

"Glad to be of service."

"You are such a showoff, Vakarian."

He laughed, a low rumble in his chest that gave her a warm feeling. "Only when it comes to things I'm good at."

His finger started moving again, this time drawing patterns on her stomach. Then he leaned forward, and nuzzled her neck. Shepard felt a rush of heat travel through her, and she was tempted to just give in-- but no. "Third time might be the charm, but we should really get some sleep before cleaning up that Cerberus outpost tomorrow." Garrus looked at her in mock disappointment, and she tilted her head to kiss his mandible.

Silence fell over them as they lay there, the cabin only lit by the dim light of the aquarium. Shepard pressed herself closer against Garrus, something that had been a challenge at first, given all the different angles of his body, but by now felt nothing but natural and comforting. His talons curled around her waist, big and warm and a lot more velvety than she'd ever have thought. 

She was about to drift off when Garrus' voice broke the silence

"Are you going to bring Tali with you?" 

She furrowed her brows. "Why are you asking?"

"I noticed you didn't bring her on any ground missions since that... incident. It was irresponsible, but she's been through a lot," Garrus said. "I don't think she can deal with it the way we do." 

Truth be told, she couldn't exactly say why. In the position they were in, each mistake cost them dearly. There was no room for slip ups. But Tali was her friend, had been ever since she decided to take her with her on the SR-1, and they all made mistakes. She wasn't holding grudges, not for something that didn't happen on purpose. Maybe it just bothered her that Tali apparently preferred hanging out with Garrus to explaining what the hell was going on with her. She wasn't sure though, and talking about something before she figured it out wasn't like her.

"I'm not punishing her." It was the truth. She didn't.

She could feel him nod and placed one of her hands on his talons that were still wrapped around her waist, squeezing it slightly.

"G'night, Garrus."

***

Shepard hated Noveria, that much was clear to her ever since she first set foot on that miserable excuse for a planet. Snow might be beautiful to look at, but she absolutely hated the cold, and waiting for Cortez to pick them up while fighting the Atlas sure as hell didn't help. After the damn thing finally exploded and they were clear, she walked over to Garrus and Tali. Shepard had decided to ignore the feeling that had settled in her gut. She needed all of her crew at one hundred percent, and that was only possible if they trusted each other. Avoiding to bring Tali with her until last minute seemed irrational now in broad daylight. 

"And here I was just thinking that you never take me anywhere nice," Garrus said. "Seems like the perfect place to settle down." 

"I think I'll pass."

Tali looked at them both in mock disgust. "Already making plans for the Shepard-Vakarian love nest? Keelah."

Garrus laughed, but gave Shepard a warm look. They both knew that with the war going on, there was a good chance that one or both of them didn't survive. It was a fact, nothing you could sugarcoat, even if you pushed it to the back of your mind best as you could. But sometimes it was nice to let yourself daydream about it, even if it happened while freezing your ass off after eliminating countless Cerberus soldiers. She grinned at Garrus in return.

Tali cleared her throat.


	4. Chapter 4

Maybe, Shepard thought, I'm just paranoid. She couldn't find another explanation. There was a war going on. Cerberus wanted her out of the picture. The imminent destruction of life as they knew it seemed inevitable. So much at stake, so much to worry about... And yet all there was on her mind right now, lying in bed at 0300 hours with a turian snoring softly next to her, was the suspicion that Tali was flirting with Garrus. The only person she'd trust with her life, hell, she trusted with her life every day. 

It had took her a while to catch up. Tali was a friendly person, and though Shepard had never given it much thought before, she supposed that Tali and Garrus had always gotten on well. They were part of the first Normandy crew after all, and who knows, maybe they bonded over their dextro-amino existence. 

Shepard started feeling a little perplex when there was no chance to bump into Garrus-intentionally or unintentionally-without Tali by his side. Even if he was in the main battery, she was on the comms, chattering on.

But that wasn't what was really nagging her now, either. She had just went down to to engineering to talk to Adams about some upgrades as he had requested a few days ago, when she had overheard a conversation between Tali and Garrus over the comms. Tali had asked him whether it bothered him not having anyone else like him around, stressing that he couldn't eat their food. For a long second, Shepard had stood there, crossing her arms tightly and feeling unreasonably irritated, before she had turned around and had taken the elevator to her cabin.

She had told herself that it was nothing. She was just exhausted and tense, and her imagination was doing the rest. 

That was until this morning, during her routinely checkup on the crew, when Shepard had heard Tali telling Garrus, "And you prefer to keep everything at a distance." It was that undertone she knew all to well-the one Shepard herself had used, back then when she had tried to flirt with with Garrus in a more subtle way, before she had made that blunt proposition-that had her lying in bed now, practically seething.

Garrus, though sometimes looking slightly confused, seemed oblivious to it all otherwise. He treated Tali like a good friend, almost like a sister. It helped her keeping her anger at bay, but she still wanted to ask Tali what the hell she was doing.

Shepard rolled over on to her stomach and let out a frustrated sigh. She didn't know how to handle this; she wasn't just Tali's friend, she was her commander, too. She needed to keep things professional, all she'd have to do is wait until Tali understood that Garrus wasn't interested, but fuck, he was the only good thing that had happened to her in all these years and--

"Shepard?" Garrus voice sounded sleepy, stripped from its subharmonics.

"Just having trouble falling asleep," she sighed

He reached out to her and pulled her closer, flush against his chest, and she let out another sigh, a content one this time. She wouldn't let anyone in this galaxy take this away from her.


	5. Chapter 5

The thing about shore leave was that you never knew if it was your last, but keeping the crew cooped up while using the Citadel’s maintenance bay for the upgrades Adams suggested didn’t seem fair to her, especially not under the circumstances.  
  
"I’m not so sure about that trip to Purgatory you mentioned," Shepard said to Joker as they were heading to the airlock.  
  
"Gah, you’re such a downer."  
  
She grinned. It had been an especially tough few days, and as absurd as shore leave sounded in times like these, she was grateful. They could all use the downtime, and Garrus had already expressed his appreciation last night, several times.  
  
"Oh no," Joker groaned, "you're not planning to hole yourself up with Garrus the whole time, do you?"  
  
"Sounds like a plan," Garrus' voice came from behind.  
  
Shepard turned around and made a feeble attempt to slap his arm. "You're both terrible."  
  
***  
  
 _You would think that there were more levo dextro restaurants on a place like the Citadel_ , Shepard thought. They had ended up in a turian one, because even with Tali on board, she still reckoned that the dextro food was even worse than theirs, so she figured she'd treat Garrus to some good food.  
  
They were making their way to the table in Purgatory, where Joker had told them to meet the rest of the crew. He was sitting next to EDI, with Kaidan, Tali, James and Liara assembled around the table. Even Javik was there. Shepard sincerely hoped that he hadn't threatened to throw anyone out the airlock yet, but everyone seemed pretty relaxed.  _Although that might be attributed to the half-empty glasses in front of them_ , she thought as Garrus and her sat down next to Liara.  
  
"Look who's here! How are the two love birdies?" Joker said. "Birdies, get it? Because Garrus--"  
  
"That's very funny. At least now we know where EDI has her sense of humor from."  
  
"Officer Vakarian, statistically speaking, seven out of ten organics will find my jokes funny. Is that not sufficient?"  
  
Shepard shook her head and laughed. Garrus' talons rested on her thigh, unseen by the others. She turned to Liara to talk to her; since becoming the new Shadow Broker, she was always a lot more busy than she used to and they didn't get the chance to talk about more trivial things very often.

When Liara got up to get them more drinks, Garrus was talking about their dinner to Tali and Javik, though Shepard suspected that the latter only listened because of all the primitives, Garrus seemed to be the most tolerable one to him.  
  
"I thought maybe with another dextro aboard, they'll get better turian food, but I was wrong. It was a nice change to eat something with an actual taste to it."  
  
"I won't complain as long as it's sterilized," Tali sighed.  
  
"Dr. Michel did give me some dextro-amino chocolate. You're welcome to it, once we're back."  
  
"She got you turian chocolate?" She sounded a little incredulous.  
  
"She said she saw it and thought of me. Why?"  
  
"Watch yourself, Shepard." It was supposed to be a joke, but Shepard only gave her a tight-lipped smile.  
  
"I don't think I need to watch myself," Shepard replied sweetly. Two can play that game. "Do I, Garrus?"  
  
"I'm a one-human kind of man," he laughed.   
  
Liara came back with their drinks, a turian brandy for Garrus and some green drink for Shepard that tasted surprisingly good. She looked around and watched her crew-- her friends for a while. Shepard couldn't hear what the discussion Joker and EDI had was about, but she noticed the way Joker blushed when EDI laid her hand on his arm, and grinned to herself. Javik was muttering something about his cycle that had Liara glaring at him. She saw James talking to an exasperated-looking Kaidan, who vehemently shook his head, but before she could look away, James was leaning towards her.  
  
"So Lola, how do you and Garrus... I mean, is he--you know--do turians have all the same?" Next to James, Kaidan covered his face with his hands.  
  
"Same?" Shepard said, drawing out the word and narrowing her eyes in mock-confusion.   
  
"Never mind... I don't really want to know."  
  
"Actually, that's an interesting question. I've always wondered-- isn't there a chance of having an allergic reaction for you?" Tali said. "That doesn't sound very practical."  
  
"You mean less practical than your suit?" Well, the alcohol certainly did its job of disabling the brain-to-mouth filter and loosening her tongue. She had resolved on being the better woman--whatever exactly that meant--but being off-duty always loosened her up a little too much for her own good.   
  
"Maybe not. But it's nice to know a little ingestion wouldn't make my face swell or have me possibly  _die_."  
  
"And how exactly would you accomplish that without taking of that mask?" Shepard scoffed. "Don't worry, we're good."  
  
Garrus squeezed her thigh. "We're good."  
  
Shepard took a sip of her second drink and was relieved to see that everybody had returned to their conversations by now. Only Liara regarded her intently.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning wasn't nearly as bad as she thought it would be. In fact, she was probably the one that came closest to being sober, except for Liara, and well, EDI. Even Garrus seemed slightly tipsy at the end of the night.  
  
Shepard had just showered and put on her civvies; Garrus was still asleep, when her omni-tool pinged with a message from Liara, asking her to meet her at the mess. She groaned as she made her way there, remembering Liara's looks from the night before.  
  
Liara already sat at the table, two cups of steaming liquid in front of her, but otherwise the mess-hall was still empty. She looked up when Shepard flopped down on the opposite chair, offering her a sympathetic smile and sliding one of the cups towards her across the table. It was some sort of asari herbal tea.  
  
"Shepard..." Liara began. "You know that I am still your friend. You can trust me, no matter what. And I am here if you want to talk." Her voice was calm and soft.  
  
"Wow, you sure know how to sweet talk a girl," Shepard mumbled and took a sip from the tea, promptly burning her tongue.  
  
When Liara remained silent, she looked up, and she could see it in her big eyes; she wasn't going to back off.  
  
"Alright," Shepard sighed. "Tali is flirting with Garrus. At first I thought that it was just the usual banter, but it's more than that."  
  
"I know."  
  
"You-- what?"  
  
"I was not sure first. I haven't seen her in a long time, after all. Not in the two years after your death, and not while I was on Illium. A lot can change in that time." Liara laughed softly. "Look at me, I would know. Tali was always friendly towards her friends, and a little feisty, too.   
  
"I thought Garrus and her just grew closer during your time on the SR-2. It would be understandable. But then I started to notice her hands lingering when she touched him, and the teasing quality to her voice." She had a worried look on her face now. "I did not know if I should burden you with it. You have enough on your mind already. I'm sorry, Shepard."  
  
"You don't have to be. I'd probably have laughed it off," Shepard sighed. "Garrus is the most loyal person I know, and we mean a lot to each other. I'm not worried about that. I just feel so... angry and I can't help it."  
  
She took a deep breath and tried to gather herself. Getting this out would help, and maybe she could finally stop feeling like the lead in some corny vid.  
  
"It's just that she has always been my friend. Even when I had to work with Cerberus, and you and Kaidan weren't there, she and Garrus were by my side. And now this? Why?" She swallowed down the lump in her throat. "I feel betrayed, that's how I feel. And betrayal makes me angry.  
  
"I tried to take her on ground missions, but I don't know if I can trust her anymore. Maybe I would handle this better if it weren't for all the other things I have on my mind--"  
  
"Shepard," Liara interrupted her gently. "Nobody could handle this better. We're at war. You're only human."  
  
Her shoulders slumped.  _Great pity party I'm throwing here while Earth is getting decimated_ , Shepard thought, clutching her cup.  
  
"But I do think you should talk to Tali. And maybe Garrus, too." Liara leaned forward and laid her hand on top of Shepard's, squeezing gently.   
  
She sighed. "Yeah, maybe you're right."


	7. Chapter 7

Shepard took a deep breath before lining up her next shot. Initially they had been ordered here by Hackett to look for anything related to Cerberus' knowledge about the Reapers; they desperately needed to find something, anything that gave them an edge. Instead, there were no traces of Cerberus whatsoever, and the base was crawling with merchs. "Probably looking for salvage," Garrus had thought aloud. Despite her recent feelings she had brought him and Tali, wanting to be prepared for whatever encryption Cerberus had to offer. An unnecessary precaution, as it had turned out.  
  
Now the merchs were making their lives hard. She held her next breath, looked through the scope of her sniper rifle, targeted the merch's head, and fired. Clean head shot. She let the breath out. They had taken out a considerable amount, but they weren't done yet.  
  
"Move it, people!" Shepard yelled as she pressed ahead, dodging several bullets. She cowered behind a crate and took out one, two, three more merchs before looking around for some spare thermal clips when she noticed that Garrus and Tali weren't behind her. Shepard let out a curse; she wasn't going to get a clean shot like this. She switched from the Black Widow to her Saber, killing another merch that was getting a little too close for her taste.   
  
Bewildered, she turned around, and spotted Garrus' fringe behind another crate, Tali's hood peeking out next to him.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?" she shouted, standing halfway up to get a better view.  _Was Garrus hurt?_  Damn it. _Was Tali okay?_ , she added as an afterthought, feeling more than a little guilty.  
  
"Tali is having trouble with her shotgun," Garrus voice crackled in her ear.  
  
Shepard almost laughed in disbelief. Right, because Tali couldn't fix that on her o--  
  
She heard the bullets hitting her before she felt them. "Fuck! My shields are down!" Stupid. Stupid and careless. She cursed again as she saw the shots coming from a different angle and rolled behind the wall on her right, but she miscalculated, she was too slow, the next shot hit her in the shoulder--   
  
She moaned in pain, trying to get her bearings and dragging herself behind the wall, but all she could hear was a high-pitched ring in her ears, and then her vision started to fade.

 

* * *

 

 

Shepard woke up to the sound of faint voices.   
  
"Shit," somebody said. It sounded like James. "Is she gonna be okay?"  
  
Her head pounded like hell, but it wasn't anything she hadn't felt before.  
  
"We soaked her in medi-gel, but we need to get her to Dr. Chakwas."  
  
She sat up gingerly and looked around, finding herself inside the Kodiak, its doors open. A wave of nausea hit her, but it was over as quickly as it came, and she peered outside. The shuttle bay looked like it always did, just a little more blurry.  
  
"Can't Chakwas come down?" she heard Garrus urgent voice. "She seems stable, but I'm not sure if all the moving is good right now."  
  
Shepard took a shaky breath. She supported herself with both hands on one of the seats and slowly stood up. A searing pain shot through her shoulder, and her whole body felt sore, but as far as she could tell, the damage stayed within limits.  _Thank God for all those cybernetics_ , she thought bitterly.  
  
She took a few tentative steps, and when she felt sure that she wasn't going to faint again, she walked towards the source of the voices, her legs trembling a little.  
  
"I'm alright," she announced.  
  
Garrus turned around, guilt written all over his face. "Shepard, you shouldn't be walking. Hold on."  
  
"I said I'm alright," she said emphatically. "Now if you excuse me, I'm going to see Dr. Chakwas."  
  
Shepard was vaguely aware of the stunned looks on everyone's faces and closed her eyes. This was a disaster.   
  
She had turned around and was walking towards the elevator, hands curled into fists, when Tali spoke up for the first time.  
  
"Shepard, come on. Just sit down for a minu--"  
  
"No."  
  
"At least let me go with you," Garrus pressed, touching her shoulder.  
  
She gritted her teeth and continued walking.  
  
"Shepard--"  
  
Turning around to face them a little too fast, she swayed almost noticeably for a moment before raising her voice. "Stand down, both of you! I don't care what the hell you do when you're off-duty"--that was a lie--"but when you're under my command, you do as I say! When I say we're moving, we're moving, and I don't give a damn about any petty mishaps with your guns; as long as I'm not informed, you don't stay back, and you don't jeopardize the mission or anyone's safety." Her voice had gotten increasingly louder. "Are we clear?"  
  
Garrus straightened visibly. "Yes, Commander."  
  
"Shepard, I'm sorry, I never meant to--"  
  
"Are we clear?" she repeated through clenched teeth.   
  
"Yes," Tali said, her head bowed.   
  
Shepard took another deep breath. "You are both restricted to your bunks for the rest of the day and I want a full report of the events by 0900 hrs tomorrow." She didn't look Garrus in the eyes. "EDI, inform XO Alenko that he has the deck. I'm going to be preoccupied in the medbay for a while."


	8. Chapter 8

Her stay in the medbay had been less than pleasant. Chakwas had patched her up well enough, but having half your crew come by to check up on you was quite unnerving to say the least, and the worried looks on their faces hadn't made it any better. This might go down as the worst day in history. Well, almost.   
  
All she wanted to do was taking a long, hot shower, a luxury she indulged in a little too often these days, but Chakwas had told her not to. Shepard grimaced as she carefully put on her hoodie. Usually she had Garrus to keep her warm, but that clearly wasn't happening today.  
  
She got into bed gingerly and snuggled in the sheets. The pain killers and the mild sedative she had been given had made her hope that she'd be able to fall asleep quickly, but her thoughts wouldn't quiet down, no matter how hard she tried.  
  
Why on Earth did it have to be Garrus who had failed to cover her back? The person she trusted the most, her best friend, her partner. But no, no, no, he hadn't betrayed her. He hadn't done it deliberately. She remembered the guilty look on his face as she had stepped into the elevator and bit her bottom lip.  _Stop thinking._    
  
But he had enough experience with women from his own species. How couldn't he have noticed the change in Tali's behaviour? Shepard had always tried to keep her flirting subtle, because there was nothing worse than feeling like you were forcing yourself on one of your subordinates. Tali however must have come on pretty strong if even Liara had noticed it.  
  
She remembered back in the days, when they were hunting down Saren and both Kaidan and Liara hadn't been shy about the feelings they had for her. Now it seemed like a distant memory, slightly embarrassing even, but at that time she couldn't help but feeling flattered. Maybe that was how Garrus felt, even if he had no intention on acting on it.  
  
Liara... she had advised her to talk to them both, and she had planned on doing it, had prepared by trying to find the right words even, because Christ, she sucked at this talking thing. But then Hackett had been patched through, and all of her plans went out of the window.  
  
She buried her face in the pillow. It still smelled like Garrus. God, she missed him. One night and she already missed that goddamn turian, the heat, his soft snoring, his mandibles fluttering adorably in his sleep. She was so fucked.   
  
 _Tomorrow,_  she told herself firmly as she finally felt the sedative kicking in,  _you're going to talk to them tomorrow._

* * *

 

Shepard woke up the next morning with a headache and a sore body, reminding her of yesterday's unpleasant events. A look at the clock told her that she had slept for eight hours, almost twice as long as usual.   
  
After she had showered and dried her hair, she wasn't sure what to do with herself. You'd think with so little time for yourself there was a lot you could put on the list, but the opposite was the case. Of course her desperate attempt to find something to do that didn't involve leaving her quarters didn't have anything to do with trying to put off having a heart-to-heart with Garrus and Tali.  
  
A few pain killers and half a dozen reports or so later, she couldn't ignore the rumbling in her stomach anymore. Shepard sincerely hoped that there weren't too many people in the mess hall, and was relieved when she saw that James seemed to be the only one present.   
  
"Was wondering when you'd be coming down here, Lola," James greeted, turning towards her with two plates in his hands. "Made you some huevos rancheros. They were just about to get cold."  
  
They both sat down at the table, and he placed one of the plate in front of her. "Why thanks, Vega. I knew there was a reason I kept you around."  
  
Shepard took a few bites and tried to hide the impressed look on her face. James already had a huge ego, no need to contribute to it.   
  
"So, Lola," he began hesitantly after they had been eating in peace for while, "you know that I'll always have your back, right?"  
  
She swallowed hard. "I... sure, James. I know that."  
  
"I'm just saying. You had us all worried there for a moment. Nobody knows what really happened, you know?" Shepard opened her mouth, but he continued before she could comment. "Not saying you have to tell us, either. Just letting you know that we're all here for you."  
  
"Appreciate it," Shepard mumbled. She didn't know what else to say for once, but James didn't seem to notice.   
  
He grabbed both of their now empty plates and carried them over to the sink, and giving her a half-serious salute, he said, "I better head back before Esteban does something stupid. So long, Lola."

* * *

 

Shepard had been sitting in the mass hall for a while, clutching her coffee and debating on who to talk to first, when she made up her mind. More so for her own benefit than anything else, she chose Garrus.  _Pull it off fast like a band-aid, that way it'll hurt less. That's exactly why the Alliance has all these regs_ , she thought,  _saves you a lot of pain. And bullshit._    
  
The door to the main battery opened with a familiar swoosh. Garrus was hunched over the controls, as always, and the sight gave her heart an odd stab. He turned around, and in spite of herself, Shepard stepped closer towards him.   
  
Garrus had turned around and looked at her, surprised. "Shepard." His voice was vibrating with subharmonics she couldn't read. "I wasn't sure if you wanted to see me."  
  
Her first reflex was to tell him that she wasn't sure either, but then Shepard took a good look at his face for the first time since she stepped inside the main battery. His eyes were even smaller than usual, and his mandibles were pressed tight against his face. Even his shoulders were slumped. Garrus looked positively exhausted.  
  
"You look like shit," Shepard said. She couldn't help herself.  
  
He looked down, rubbing the nape of his neck. "I didn't exactly get a good night's rest."  
  
"What's done is done, Garrus. Beating yourself up over it won't change anything." No matter what happened, she needed everyone at one hundred percent, alert and combat-ready. She couldn't let anything compromise that.  
  
"After Omega, after I lost my squad, and the guilt was eating me alive, do you know what I told myself?" The only time she ever heard his voice sounding so low was in bedroom, but now it had a completely different ring to it. "I told myself, 'You always had Shepard's back. Nothing can take that away from you.' It kept me going."   
  
She didn't say anything, carefully keeping her mouth closed. Even after all the whispered secrets and admissions they had shared after successfully returning from the Omega 4 relay, his squad was a touchy subject.   
  
"I was right there with you, and you got hurt! I said I'd always have your six, but I failed you, and there is not a damn thing that can undo that." He made a distraught noise that had her heart aching. "I swore I'd never let anything happen to you, but I did! How can I not beat myself up over that?"  
  
This was why she hated talking. She didn't want to tell him that everything was alright, because it wasn't, because it would be a lie; she had been pissed off, hurt even, but Shepard couldn't stand to see him so distressed either. "Garrus--"  
  
"I didn't protect my mate," he said in a broken voice.  
  
"Garrus, look at me."  
  
He didn't.  
  
"Please," Shepard added more softly and Garrus slowly looked up, not quiet meeting her eyes. "You're going to grab something to eat and get some rest. I don't care which one you do first." He looked like he wanted to object, but she held up her hand. "That's an order. And then we're going to talk about this." He gave her a short nod.  
  
When she stepped outside the main battery, her hands shook slightly. She suddenly wished the Reapers were still their only problem.


	9. Chapter 9

If Shepard had to choose one sentiment towards her she hated most, it would be pity. She had learned it long ago, after Akuze, when the pitying looks she had received weighted her down like an anker, drowning her. "Pity is the deadliest feeling that can be offered to a woman," Ash had once quoted, and Shepard found herself agreeing wholeheardetly.  
  
Liara had come to see her shortly after she had talked to Garrus, and she had run into Kaidan in the starboard observation. Both looked a little too worried for her taste, but she couldn't find any pity in their eyes, and she hoped it stayed that way.  
  
Shepard had gone to the med bay afterwards, finding Chakwas eager to do the checkup. "It looks like you got away with a black eye, Commander," she had commented, and Shepard was glad that it was only a figure of speech, because that would have been the icing on the cake.  
  
Afterwards, she soon found herself growing restless. When Shepard couldn't stand looking at her aquarium anymore without wanting to break it, she took the elevator down to engineering. There was only so much putting off she could do, and she had definitely reached the limit.   
  
She greeted Adams, Donnelly and Daniels before turning to Tali, who stood with her back to her, absorbed in her work.  
  
"Tali. Do you have a minute?" Shepard asked in a tone that left no room for a negative answer.   
  
She looked up, a little surprised. "Of course."  
  
Quarians were still a little hard to read, at least to her, because of the masks that covered their face, but from the way Tali held her body, Shepard was pretty sure that she was nervous. It felt oddly satisfying.   
  
Shepard stepped outside, and Tali followed her. She waited until the doors closed with a swoosh before he started talking. "I think you know why I'm here, Tali."  
  
"Shepard..."  
  
She remained silent.  _Not making this easy for you_.  
  
"I wanted to come see how you are, but Liara said that it would be best to leave you alone for a while."  _Bless Liara._  "I handed Traynor my report, she said she would forward it to you."  
  
Shepard had read through the reports earlier; Traynor had given both of the datapads to her while she was having her second cup of coffee. Apart from getting her unconcious body to the shuttle, it didn't reveal anything new.  
  
"She did. Although I still wonder why you failed to mention the reason for disregarding the fully functional M-77 Paladin you carried with you." She had to suppress a smirk when she saw Tali going still.  
  
"That's what I would question you about if I was here as your commander," she continued. "But I'm not. I'm here as your friend, or whatever is left of our friendship."  
  
Tali crossed her arms. There was a moment of silence before she spoke up. "Shepard?"  
  
"I'm giving you a chance to be honest with me." Shepard shrugged. "It's up to you how you use it."  
  
"Okay," Tali agreed, visibly uncomfortable with the whole situation.

"When we first met, I saved you from Saren's assassins. You provided the proof that we needed, and I let you join my team, despite the concern that was voiced about having another alien aboard." She folded her hands behind her backs. "I gave you a copy of the geth data, even though it was classified Alliance data. But I trusted you."  
  
If not for Tali's mask, Shepard was sure she would be able to see her frowning, seemingly surprised by the turn their conversation took.  
  
"When The Illusive Man provided me with your dossier, I set course for Haestrom immediately. Not because I wanted you for your expertise, but because you were my friend. I needed you for my mission because I trusted you.  
  
"I convinced the Admiralty Board of your innocence. You repeatedly doubted my decisions, but you were my friend, so I tried to see things from your perspective, and at the end of the day I trusted you." Shepard had begun walking up and down in a steady pace, squaring her shoulders. "I helped your people retaking their homeworld, but I was happy for you in particular. And I knew that it was the right decision, because if anyone could keep the peace between the geth and the quarians, it'd be you. I trusted you."  
  
She let her words sink in, recalling the earlier days, lost in her memories for a few moments before coming back to the here and now. Tali had barely moved during her speech and was now looking at her, unsure.

Leaning against the railing and putting her hands on her hips, Shepard asked, "So tell me, when did you decide that there were things more important than my trust, than our friendship?"   
  
"Shepard, I-- don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"You should know better than to take me for a fool," Shepard said and was surprised that she could keep her voice so calm. "If I were you, I'd take that chance to be honest with me."  
  
 _I should be out there, fighting,_  she thought with a sudden anger.  _Instead I'm dealing with someone trying to get into my boyfriend's pants. Jesus._    
  
"Or maybe I should ask Garrus to join this conversation?"   
  
Shepard didn't care anymore. She was starting to get sick of trying to do the right thing and not letting her feelings get ahead of her; how the hell was she supposed to stay rational if Tali couldn't be honest with her even now?  
  
Tali's head snapped up. "No!"  
  
"Alright. Let's have it, then."   
  
She turned away slightly and clasped her hands. "Keelah, I don't know where to start..." There was a short pause. "After we returned from the Rayya, Garrus... he came to see how I was. We always got along well, but after that, we started talking more often."  
  
Part of her told herself that she didn't want to hear this, but at the same time she was curious. It was the kind of curiosity that bubbled up inside you after your first kill and your enemy's insides were scattered all over the ground. It was the kind of curiosity that wouldn't let you look away when you were witnessing a horrible accident.  
  
"I always thought he wasn't interested in a relationship, until Kasumi made a passing remark about him and you." Tali started fidgeting with her belt. "I didn't mind. I was... You know. Me and Kal'Reegar."  
  
Shepard raised a brow in spite of herself. She had always suspected that much, but Tali never seemed to talk about it, and she hadn't felt like it was her place to breach the topic.  
  
Tali bowed her head. "Shortly before I left the fleet to join you, Kal wrote me. He said it would be better for us to concentrate on the war for now, and I agreed," she sighed. "When I saw Garrus again, I remembered all of our talks, and the banter came easily. It was a welcome distraction. I couldn't help myself when it turned into more on my part."  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Shepard crossed her arms and clenched her fist. That was it? That was all she had to say?  
  
"W--what?"  
  
"You go behind my back and hit on my man because it distracted you from being hurt about your situation with Kal'Reegar?" she asked through clenched teeth, voice rising. "But you wouldn't have a problem with deliberately betraying me?"   
  
She saw Tali subtly backing away. "No, Shepard. That wasn't-- that's not what I meant."  
  
"That's exactly what you said, goddamn it!" She failed keeping her voice down. "And you wouldn't have stopped if it wasn't for this!"  
  
"Shepard, please, I--"  
  
"And you don't even have the decency to apologize." Shepard turned around and gripped the railing hard enough to hurt, her knuckles turning white.  
  
There were so many things going through her head she had trouble filtering anything out, but a part of her brain already planned on spamming Tali with hours of footage of her and Garrus fucking vigorously on her couch, against the aquarium, on the bed, in the shower, in all kinds of positions, recorded with his visor.  
  
When she snapped out of here admittedly very satisfying fantasy, Tali seemed to have collected herself. She hung her head in what, shame? "You're right. I'm sorry, Shepard. I shouldn't have done it. There's no excuse for it."  
  
"Damn right you shouldn't have."  _Now walk away like the adult you are. Come on, Shepard._  "One more thing."  
  
Tali looked up.  
  
"From now on, you keep your hands off him," Shepard said, dangerously low. "Are we clear?"   
  
She walked away with a smirk, not even waiting for the answer. 


	10. Chapter 10

Afterwards, Shepard didn't really know what to do with herself. She had been pestering Liara for God knows how long until the asari finally had enough and kicked her out with the words, "By the goddess, Shepard, I don't know anything about elcor mating rituals!" Shepard had even paid Javik a visit, who shot her a glare and murmured something about primitives. Then she had wandered off to the bridge where Joker had greeted her with the words, "Hey Commander, if you ever want to find new crew members who, you know, don't let you get shot, I'm totally in!" But when EDI had told her, "Commander Shepard, during your presence, Jeff's efficiency has decreased by 23.95 percent," she took that as her cue to leave.  
  
She had settled down on the couch in her quarters, watching a vid on her omni-tool that was more cheesy than she'd like to admit, when EDI disrupted her.  
  
"Officer Vakarian is requesting permission to enter your cabin."  
  
Shepard frowned. "EDI, how many times have I told you that Garrus is excluded from these regulations? Just let him in," she said and then added, "and stay off this channel, both of you!"   
  
"Understood. Logging you out, Shepard." There was an audible click and almost simultaneously, the doors to her quarters opened. Garrus stood there, a little unsure, and she had to stifle a laugh. It reminded her of their first night together.   
  
He walked over to her and before he could say anything, Shepard gestured to the spot on the couch next to her, inviting him to sit down. When they had both made themselves more or less comfortable, she spoke up.  
  
"Feeling better?"  
  
"Yeah," Garrus said. There was still a nervous thrum to his subvocals, but he sounded less tense. "I should be the one asking you that question."  
  
"You know me, I'm a tough cookie."  
  
He looked at her, confused. "Cookie? Isn't that something to eat?"  
  
"Never mind," she laughed. But then her thoughts turned back to the issue at hand, and she sobered up.  
  
Garrus seemed to feel the same way. He cast down his eyes before he began to speak. "Listen, Shepard... I know you told me to stop beating myself up over it, but I don't know. Chakwas gave me sleeping pills. I can't sleep otherwise. I keep thinking about what could have happened to you."  
  
The thing was, if this was coming from anyone else, she would have scoffed and written it off as a desperate try to save their asses. But this was Garrus sitting in front of her, oozing regret and guilt.   
  
"I'm not mad at you, Garrus. Well," Shepard reconsidered, furrowing her brow, "I am actually. But it's not something I can't get over."  
  
She let her hand linger on his thigh for a moment before gently pulling away. "I just need you to be straight up with me, okay?"

He nodded, a gesture he undoubtedly picked up in his time on the Normandy. "I always am, Shepard."  
  
"Do you remember when you asked me if I wanted to be with someone closer to home?" She was nervous, squeezing her hands together without noticing. From the corner of her eyes she saw Garrus swallowing hard.  
  
"Sure," he said, his voice wavering. "The offer still stands, if that's what you want."  
  
"What? No, Garrus. No. I just wanted you to know that the same goes for you."  
  
"Shepard, what are you talking about?" He looked at her as if she'd grown a second head. "Look, if you-- if you don't want to be with me anymore, just tell me. Don't draw this out."   
  
Before she'd even known it, she had jumped up, startling him. "That's not it." Shepard took a deep breath.  _You got this_. "I know about Tali."  
  
"Tali?" Shepard still had trouble figuring out his subvocals sometimes, but she had heard these before; upset with an undertone of growing confusion.  
  
She wasn't sure what to make of this. "Jesus Christ, Garrus, she's into you," she said.  
  
"I think my translator is glitching. And you're scaring me a little." He looked troubled now, his mandibles flaring out. Maybe she really had grown a second head.  
  
"Tali has a crush on you. She has been flirting with you non-stop." Her conversation with Tali had taken off the edge, but she still scowled almost unnoticeably. "Don't try to make me believe you didn't catch up on that."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
She scoffed. "No one can be that dense, Vakarian. Not even you."  
  
There was a moment of silence in which Shepard considered punching Garrus in his stomach, gizzard, whatever it was, just to get any kind of reaction out of him. But then he laughed. Long and hard.  
  
"Spirits, I wondered what was going on with her. I thought it was the stress. Now I know why she kept talking about Fleet and Flotilla. Sol made me watch it a dozen times. I hate that movie."  
  
Shepard looked at him with narrowed eyes.  _That little shit_. "I'm glad you're amused."  
  
"I'm sorry. Please, Shepard. I know this must have been hard for you. I'm just relieved that you still want me." He paused. "Do you?"  
  
Her heart fluttered. Stupid, traitorous, useless thing. "You're an ass. I should give you a good telling-off."  
  
The next thing Shepard felt was a rush of air, and before she could register anything else, she found herself pressed flush against her aquarium by one big turian. His hot breath on her neck made it hard for her to concentrate. "No wonder you made a lousy C-Sec officer," she told him in a breathless voice.   
  
"Shepard," he growled, "I don't want something closer to home. I want you."  
  
She desperately tried to come up with a witty response about him repeating what she had told him in what now seemed ages ago, but her mind went blank.  
  
"Besides, don't you humans have a saying? 'Home is where the heart is'?" It was so unbelievably corny that it should have made her nauseous, but instead there was a giddy laugh bubbling up inside her chest.  
  
"I could never," a nip at her neck, "want anyone", tongue caressing the same spot, "as much," sharp teeth grazing her clavicle, "as I want you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just thought I'd write a quick statement to go with the last part! I know some of the people over on livejournal speculated whether Garrus realized what was going on. I toyed with the idea and found it interesting and definitely a valid assumption, but in the end I decided to scrap it for several reasons. It just didn't feel very Garrus to me. Two characteristics that define him for me are his loyalty and his proneness to guilt. The first one I could have turned a blind eye to if he wouldn't act on it, but I figured he'd feel guilty nonetheless, and Shep would know him well enough to notice that. Another reason would be the fact that I more or less believe that he doesn't have as much experience with women outside sexual encounters. Generally I'd say that he wouldn't notice a women's interest (especially not a woman of another species.) unless she said "Let's bang"-to be crass-like it was the case with that recon scout (and Shepard), which is probably common among turians. I also figured I'd stay true to the prompt, even though it's my own, so that would have been the smallest problem, but oh well!
> 
> I also thought I'd use this chance to throw in a quick, but heartfelt thanks for the comments and the kudos. Appreciate it!


	11. Chapter 11

Next thing she knew Garrus' hands traveled down her body, finding her ass. He lifted her up and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Shepard closed her eyes, enjoying his warmth and the low rumble that was coming from his chest while he was carrying her to the bed. He laid her down on the bed rather unceremoniously before giving her an appreciative once-over.  
  
Garrus crawled over her and bent down to lick a stripe from her collarbone up to her jaw line. Stifling a moan, she tugged at his clothes. It earned her a half-amused, half-aroused smirk from him before he first removed his tunic and then her top efficiently. If they were in for a slow session of love-making, they would take each others clothes off carefully as a part of elaborate foreplay, but otherwise more often than not they ended up with one or both of them making frustrated noises before they would just take their own clothes off themselves, mostly to avoid Garrus cutting through most of the fabric. Shepard quickly removed the rest of her clothes, first pants, then underwear. When she was done, she found Garrus already naked and staring at her.  
  
"Just admiring the view," he told her when she raised a brow. She wanted to give him a sarcastic reply, but then he cupped her breast and squeezed it gently before bending down and flicking a rough-textured tongue tongue over her nipple, over and over again, making her groan.  
  
His hand traveled down her body, somehow rough and velvety at the same time and almost excruciatingly slow, before coming to a rest between her thighs. "Come _on_ ," Shepard urged him. Garrus gave her a teasing look, as if he'd have to consider it first, but then his tongue was back caressing her nipple and he slipped a finger inside her. She felt the familiar pulse throbbing inside her core and arched her back, anything to make him move, but then his thumb started to tease her clit, circling and pressing, heat spreading through her body, and she didn't care anymore.  
  
Shepard knew that she was panting and making these little needy noises, but when she felt Garrus' cock, hot and heavy, against her thigh, that low rumble still coming from his chest, she didn't even attempt to hold them back. Beyond ready and desperately wanting to feel him inside her she wanted to tell him to just fuck her, goddamn it, but Garrus seemed to have other plans.  
  
 _Well, desperate times call for desperate measures._  In one quick movement she wrapped her thighs around his waist and, finger still inside her, rolled them both over, Garrus on his back with Shepard straddling him. She saw his mandibles flare in surprise and smirked at him before starting to leave a trail of feathery kisses from his good mandible down to his carapace, giving his neck special attention by alternating between nipping and licking.   
  
Shepard earned herself a loud groan by sneaking a hand down and wrapping it around his cock, giving it a slow stroke from base to tip, eyes fixed on him.  
  
"Ahh-- Spirits! Don't-- don't stop," he begged, subvocals all over the place.  
  
"If you insist." Shepard continued stroking his cock, slick with precum, slowly, then squeezing and pumping faster, adding a slight twist at the end. When she felt him getting close, she bent down and whispered, "I want you inside me, Garrus."

Moments later she found herself on her back, Garrus on top of her again, and then finally,  _thank God_ , he slipped inside, stretching and filling her. She let out a content sigh. He moved inside her, slowly at first, but hard and deep all the same, and for a while their panting was the only noise that filled the room. His breath was hot on her neck and her fingers dug into the cluster of nerves at the back of his head underneath his fringe.   
  
Shepard ground her hips, and his thrusts got more forceful; her breath came in gasps. Wrapping her legs around his waist again she squeezed tightly and Garrus groaned, rhythm stuttering for a moment before he started slamming into her. "So close," she moaned into the corner of his mouth. He let out a growl, and then the sneaky bastard brought his hand down and moved his thumb over her clit slowly in stark contrast to the pace he was fucking her in, while his other hand was alternately squeezing her breast and mercilessly teasing her hard nipple.   
  
She came apart with a loud moan and clenched down hard on Garrus as the spasms washed through her, every nerve in her body overloaded. When she came down from her high, her hands found the back of his head again, massaging the spot while sucking on his mandible and pressing her hips against him. “She-- Shepard, fuck--,” he panted in a desperate tone, and then his thrusts faltered and she felt him come inside her, hot and wet, his groans now muffled by her shoulder.  
  
They both laid there for a few minutes, trying to catch their breath, before Garrus rectulantly started to pull away, but she stopped him with a soft whisper.  
  
"Not yet, Garrus. Stay inside me." He would retract soon enough, and while they both weren't allergic, they still shouldn't push it, but tonight Shepard didn't care.   
  
Garrus gave her an affectionate purr, nudging his mouth against her neck. He ran his talons through her hair and she snuggled against him while she savored the peaceful feeling that came over her.  
  
"Shepard," he murmured after a while.  
  
She peaked at him through a heavy-lidded eye. "Yeah?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
For one moment she thought her heart stopped beating. She knew how much she meant to him, of course, but even after their date on the presidium he hadn't told her. What seemed a long time ago right now Primarch Victus had told her that he knew humans were aware of the function of turian subvocals, but that they often failed to see the importance behind them. Looking back, Shepard guessed that Victus was referring to Garrus when they first met on Manae, and when she did some research on the extranet, her assumption was confirmed. He probably told her he loved her every day, but he never said the words until now.  
  
He groaned, "I messed this up. Damn Joker, why did his vids never get this far? I'm sor--"  
  
"Garrus," she said firmly, but her voice was soft. "It was perfect. I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First smut ever! Now I have even more respect for people who write good smut. Well, practice makes perfect. At least I hope so!


	12. Chapter 12

Shepard woke up half buried under Garrus. After their pillow talk last night they hadn't been able to keep their hands off each other, so they had went for a second (and third) round before falling asleep on the brink of exhaustion. Now her whole body ached with exquisite pain as a reminder. Shepard smiled into the warm hide of Garrus' neck, the first real smile in what seemed like weeks. She couldn't help herself, her hand found its way to his waist and started stroking it, lost in thought until she felt him shift. He rolled off of her a little and then peeked at her through one eye before his mandibles flared in a grin.   
  
Garrus gave her an appreciative once-over, which was kind of impressive in his position, and she could already feel his groin plates shifting.   
  
"You are insatiable." Shepard grinned at him.  
  
At that he leaned down and gently nipped at her neck. A soft sigh escaped her, and he looked up and gave her a smirk. "Look who's talking."  
  
"Jesus, we have  _things_  to do today, Garrus." She laughed; she couldn't even convince herself, there was still enough time until the alarm went off.   
  
"Yeah. I think I should talk to Tali." Almost a question, but not quite.  
  
Shepard looked at him. She hadn't had much time to think about it, but now that her anger had mostly subsided, she thought that it was the best way to clear the air once and for all.  
  
"You do that, big guy. But first..."  
  
  


* * *

  
  
She had huffed indignantly when Chakwas had told her to take it easy today. There was a galaxy to save and she was supposed to rest? Hell, if she could handle hours of amazing sex with Garrus, she could easily handle taking on husks or whatever the Reapers would throw at them next. "Just for today. It's no use sending you down there when you're not healed," the doctor had appeased her. "We need you at your best."  
  
After that, she had had a quick breakfast before going over some reports and filling out forms. It was tedious, but at least she had felt like she was doing something instead of sitting on her ass.   
  
Then Traynor had informed her that Anderson was available on vid-com, so she took the chance to talk to him. She tried not to, but sometimes she couldn't stop thinking that it could always be the last time.   
  
Shepard was standing in the empty main battery now. She tried to stop herself, but she couldn't refrain from asking EDI where Garrus was. "He's currently located in engineering. Would you like me to forward a message, Commander?" EDI answered in her calm voice. And to her shame the first thing that came into her mind was, _Why, yes. Please tell him I would love to re-enact last night,_  just to see (or well, not see) the look on Tali's face.   
  
Instead she just said, "No, thanks. That'll be all." Shepard bit her lip. She was a smart woman. She should be reasonable and go find something to busy herself with. That would be the right thing to do. So why on earth was she hacking into the comm channels right now? She winced; if Joker and EDI noticed, she'd never hear he end of it.   
  
It wasn't that she didn't trust Garrus, it was more her undying curiosity now, and she just couldn't help herself.  _The great Commander Shepard, eavesdropping on a conversation between her boyfriend and one of her best friends who had been hitting on him behind her back._  She snorted. That'd make a great romantic subplot for the Blasto movie.

Shepard almost jumped when she heard a crackle, then the voices.  
  
"...sorry if I ever gave you a reason to make you believe that I felt the same way about you," she heard Garrus' voice.  
  
There was a moment of silence before Tali spoke up. "I don't know what got into me."   
  
"You can't help how you feel. I'm not blaming you for that. I understand, it has been the same for me with Shepard." He paused. "Wait, that's not something you're supposed to mention in a conversation like this."  
  
She could just imagine the way his mandibles fluttered in awkwardness, his dinosaur feet, as she liked to call them affectionately, shuffling almost unnoticeably. But Tali didn't seem to have an answer to that, or maybe she didn't trust her voice. Shepard almost felt sorry for her.  
  
"But I, ah, I don't think that I'll ever feel the same way about anyone else. I'm not telling you this to hurt you, but I think it's fair to let you know," Garrus said, his subvocals soothing. "I care about you, Tali. You're like a sister to me."  
  
Shepard was pretty sure Tali inwardly flinched at that. She probably would have if she was on the receiving end of this; but that didn't stop the warm feeling spreading through her. They both were private with their feelings because it was the professional thing to do, and hearing Garrus talk to someone else about what she meant to him was a rarity, but damn it if it didn't make her feel a little giddy inside, despite the situation.  
  
"I just don't want you to jeopardize her safety again. That was reckless." His voice was still soft, but Shepard could hear in his subvocals that the thought still upset him.  
  
"I know. I'm so sorry." There was another pause, followed by a tinny sniff. "Keelah, I'm such a bosh'tet. She's never going to trust me again. I ruined our friendship."   
  
"She's hurt, and understandably so. But you're one of her best friends. Give her some time and she'll come around."  
  
"You're right. I just hope some day things can be as they were. Maybe I could babysit your children," Tali said with a shaky laugh.   
  
"I'm sure we'll need all the help we can get." Shepard could tell that he's smiling now, and she's too.  
  
She would definitely need time, but when it came down to it, she still had two of closest friends by her side, fighting for the same things she fought for. They had been with her from the start, taking out Saren, blowing up the Collector Base, fighting the Reapers. And they had shared her pain, and she had shared theirs, and the happy moments, and all that was in between. Nothing could replace these things. And some things didn't need to be replaced. They just needed to be fixed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments!


	13. (Interlude)

"Is it because I'm ugly?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You haven't touched me in weeks," she said, biting her quivering lower lip.   
  
"Shep-- Jane, I--"  
  
"Does this gross you out? Am I too fat for you?" Now tears welled up in her eyes, and she knew she was being unreasonable, but no fighting the Reapers could have prepared her for these hormones.  
  
"You're not fat, you're pregnant!" Garrus said.   
  
"Don't yell at me!"  
  
"I didn't mean to." He sounded upset. Great.  
  
Shepard let out a pathetic sob. "I'm a b--bad wife."  
  
"Spirits, Jane, please stop crying." She noticed him using first name; ever since she had that fit a few weeks ago, when she had yelled at him that she was carrying his child, for fuck's sake, so the least he could do was stop calling her Shepard, he was careful to call her Jane. In retrospect she was more than a little embarrassed, but he had just laughed and stroked her hair afterwards.  
  
Garrus walked towards her and sat down next to her on the bed, saying nothing for a minute before he gently took one of her hands in his and started tracing small circles with his thumb.   
  
"You'll always be beautiful to me," he said after a while. Then he rubbed the nape of his neck with his free hand and said almost sheepishly, "Turian women don't really have, ah, sex during pregnancy. Some don't like to be touched at all."  
  
Her hand tightened around his. "I'm sorry," she sighed. "I'm just not used to sitting on my ass for this long, and when I'm not in pain or don't feel like I'm going to throw up, I'm either really emotional or, well... horny."  
  
Garrus chuckled at that. "I can only imagine how hard this is for you. But it's nothing short of a wonder," he said softly.  
  
"I know. We can never thank Miranda enough for what she managed to do for us. Not that she'll let us live it down." Shepard laughed shakily.   
  
"I guess Cerberus was good for one thing at least, huh?" He grinned at her. "I bet getting you pregnant with an alien baby wasn't exactly what The Illusive Man had in mind."  
  
She murmured her agreement and enjoyed his warmth at her side. Life was crazy indeed. Three years ago she wasn't even sure if she would live to see the galaxy free of the Reapers, and now Garrus and her were going to start a family. Jesus, if anyone had told her that five years ago, she would have laughed in their faces. Shepard thought she had used up all of her luck by living through the war, but then Miranda made the impossible possible yet again, and here she was, exactly where she wanted to be, even if it was tough at times.  
  
Garrus interrupted her thoughts by affectionately bumping her shoulder with his. "Never took you for the touchy-feely kind." Without looking, she could hear that he was smiling.  
  
"That's the pot calling the kettle black."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Human idiom." She was smiling now, too.  
  
He made that humming noise she came to love so much. "Think you're up for a back rub?"  
  
"Oh, I'm up for some rubbing alright, but I wasn't thinking about my back."  
  
Garrus leaned towards her, his hot breath ghosting over her neck sending a shiver down her spine. He found  _that_  spot and dragged his tongue over it while cupping her cheek in his hand. "If you put it that way..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is more an interlude than anything, really. I've debated where to go with this, but when I, or rather Shep, said that it would take some time, I meant it, so this seemed like the best option.  
> Also, most of the time I'm not the biggest fan of Shepard being pregnant with Garrus' child, but I figured if they could bring her back from the dead, they could also make this happen, so there's that!


	14. Chapter 14

"He's going to be fine. Quit worrying."

Shepard huffed. Quit worrying. _Right_. Did Garrus forget who he was talking to?

"And don't huff at me either," he added with a grin, and then walked over to her, sneaking his arms around her waist from behind and nuzzling her neck.

"Alright, big guy." She let herself enjoy the warmth for one moment before her omni-tool beeped. "That must be her."

"Right behind you," Garrus said and chuckled.

Shepard walked towards the door and went through her check list for what hopefully was the last time. _Favorite toys? Check. Nutritional paste? Check. Security blanket? Check,_ she thought as she absently let their visitor up and opened the door.

A few moments later she almost found herself unable to breathe because she was being hugged so tightly.

"Shepard! You look great!" Tali exclaimed before moving on to Garrus. Albeit he was harder to hug with all his edges if you weren't used to it, she still managed. "You too! So, parents?"

"Yeah, I know it sounds crazy." Shepard couldn't stop herself from grinning like an idiot.

"Well, I'd say you more than earned some quality time alone."

Shepard looked at her. As with everyone, they had more or less regularly contacted each other, and most of the time Tali had seemed okay, but her shoulders still seemed slumped and Shepard didn't think that she had imagined the way her tinny voice had cracked when she had called them parents.

"Garrus, can you get our son?" She gave him a meaningful look. He nodded and turned around.

"Let's sit down for a moment."

They walked over to the sofas together and Shepard had to stifle a laugh when she had a flashback of a drunk Tali, sitting on one of the bar stools, before she grew serious again.

She sat down next to the quarian. "Tali, you can be honest with me. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Shepard. Really. I know how lucky I am to still be alive. And to still be your friend."

"But?"

"No buts." Tali took a deep breath. "I think about what we--Kal'Reegar and I could have had if it wasn't for this war, but I don't linger on it."

Shepard took her hand and squeezed it. Even now that the Reapers were gone, they left a bitter aftertaste. So many people lost--so many people who had died for the cause. When she heard Garrus clearing his throat, they both looked up.

"Allow me to introduce Aephellix Shepard-Vakarian," he said in what Shepard teasingly referred to as his proud papa voice.

"Keelah, he is precious!" He really was. Almost a miniature version of his father, but the tiny features made him just that much more adorable. "Can I hold him?"

"Since you're going to be the babysitter for tonight, I would say so."

While Garrus showed Tali how to hold Lix and take care of him, Shepard got her purse. If Garrus saw the pistol inside, he'd tease her for days, but she figured it was true what people said; old habits die hard.

When she got back, she looked at the three of them for a second, imagining Tali at Garrus' side instead of her, and then shook her head at the thought. "There's no Shepard without Vakarian, but there's also no Vakarian without Shepard," Garrus had once told her.

"Ready?" she asked.

Garrus looked up and gave her a warm smile. Then he pressed his forehead to his son's for a moment before taking her hand in his. Shepard was tempted to do the same, but opted for giving him a real kiss instead.

After the door had closed behind them, Garrus put his arm around her. "Ready."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it! Thank you all for the kudos, the comments, the bookmarks, just for reading this in general. I hope you enjoyed the ride!


End file.
